Victoria Sapientes Elegit the minimalist blog by syarif

Since I was 16, I had this vision that one day I would be living a dream life.

With an arsenal of automobile along with an array of bikes, I would be living in an ultra-modern country house somewhere inside the woods but have the most amazing sea view.

I would have an amazing wife whom during a PTA meeting every mother would envy and every father would want. Yeah, I don't mind that since I'd be the dude that every father would envy and every mother and teacher would want (face it, there are like only 6 male teachers in Malaysia).

I'm not planning to be a lazy bum despite the money and power. Though I have this desire to become a politician, but with that status I could actually be The Godfather, The Don, The Boss. I'll build an empire of niche business like button making or needle manufacturing and just rule everyone through my small yet important product. Apart from that, I'll establish my own chain of cafe and serve to the world the true meaning of food, drink and merry making.

Ahh... That's a fine life. I'll wake up in the weekend, have brunch in Tokyo and dinner in Turkey. My vacation would be in a private island where I could actually go out naked without any soul noticing. In the end of the day, I'll be 45 and still can afford myself well enough to act 20 years younger.

But...

Reality check...

It has been more than 10 years, and I'm not living that life. The truth is, it's quite the opposite.

Every night I beat myself up, trying day in day out to strive for that dream. I work for almost 12 hours a day, and pushing myself to the limit.

Perhaps in terms of salary and experience, I'm one of the most advanced among people my age, and to a certain extend even those who are 10 years older than me. But, I'm not having a wonderful life. There are always a burden attached to my shoulders. The constant pain just wouldn't fly off, and it seriously pushing me down.

I just need to be heard now. I just want things to change. Seriously I don't mind working for it. But I'm asking that there's a clear path being showed to me to the goal.

I've been walking in darkness, just stepping in things that I don't know. I need a guidance.

Hopefully I'll be heard, so that someday I'd be living The Great Syarif Dream.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Alice gave me this spring-wind cat that she bought in Thailand last year.

Everytime it's winded, the head will move up and down like rapidly.
It never fail to make me laugh.

A good stress reliever!


Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

I've had a few sleepless night. It has been tolling on my energy level, and the stress- by golly- I really hate it. It made me couldn't stop munching on things.

I'm trying to find comfort. To a certain extend, Alice had given much. But, the things inside is eating me up. "Serves you right" a lot may say.

Well, what can I do? No matter what I do, it'll always be that 'it serves me right'.

When I'm quiet, I'm stepped on. When I open my mouth, I'm being despised. Worse still, if I try to be in the middle, I got stepped on while being despised.

I'm not trying to get sympathy, and heck, I'm not sure where this writing is heading. But one thing for sure, a got a lump of sadness, hatred and disappointment inside me, and I can't throw it out.

I just hope it will not explode.


Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

In my last entry I talked about how I wish that the Friday would be a good day that would settle all my problems, make me smile, etc.

Well, I found out later that the Friday is literally a 'Good Friday' as in the Christian celebration day. So, in a way my wish came true as it was a 'Good Friday'. D'oh!

But, what I was truly wishing for didn't come true. Perhaps I need to make a new (more specific one). Here goes...

Please I wish that by Easter- before the day ends I would have all the funds that I need to settle all my debts, all the answers that I need to solve all my questions, and the emotions that I need to make everyone feel happy and comfortable with me.

I'm not asking for much, but, seriously if for some celestial or divine reasons that the wish(es) can't be granted, I'd rather re-live Easter 2010 over and over again. I just don't want Monday to come...

Please...



Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

Some people truly believe in religion - the God and other celestial being within, and the men/women of preach. They would hope for a divine bliss.

Some believe in God, but don't believe in the rest part of the religion. These people would hope for a miracle.

Some believe in God and everything inside a religion- but opt to worship devil. They would hope for a miracle also from their supreme being.

Some just believe in pure coincidences- with no celestial interventions whatsoever.

But all those people are hoping for something at the end of the day. Whether an eternal life in heaven, to become the army of darkness or just to have a beautiful life and peaceful death, whatever it is, all of them are 'hoping' for something.

Most of the time as a human, we cannot run from the fact that there are a piece of our lives (here or hereafter- depending on our believes) thet we want to make it better.

And more than ever, I am one of them. I'm not really sure which is the one I need, but either a divine bliss, a miracle or just a simple coincidence, I'm truly hoping that tomorrow would be a good, happy day. I'm hoping that tomorrow all my problems are settled and I can at least go to work with a lighter chest and a big fat smile.

Or, just make tomorrow disappear. The pressure is so tensed, I feel like puking and screaming at the same time.

Please, just one of those 'intervention' is what I need.

I humbly request for one...


Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.

The subject of this entry was inspired by the song Angel of Music from the Phantom of the Opera.

Nice song it was. The Phantom - acted as an Angel of Music for Christine - reveals himself grandly by appearing in a mirror - whilst all this while he was only talking to her "from far".

But apart from that, the Phantom wanted to tell Christine something: that you can see everything about you through a mirror- and him being in there tells that the Phantom is 'in' Christine.

Cuing from that, I've been trying to see the guy in the mirror. More like trying to search actually. But, the more I look, the more I'm finding a stranger. It's hard to explain, and, maybe; just maybe, that I may am just being paranoid.

But seriously, I don't know who am I looking at anymore.

Despite his good looks, and marvellous hair (wink), the dude in the mirror is a stranger. Yes, there's warmth and slight tingle each time I look at him, but, he is still a complete stranger.

Perhaps that's why it's hard for Christine to fall in love with the Phantom.

You have a perception of who you are. But when you finally see the real thing, you loathe - unwilling to except that you are indeed- unique.

Hmm... Now getting back to my wonder of who's the dude inside the mirror, should I just continue this path of life, or should I make a detour?

Or maybe; just maybe, that I need just to roll down the curtain?


Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device via Vodafone-Celcom Mobile.